On Being Notorious

Photo by Jessica Steigerwald Toro (my daughter)

 

 

 

 

“Forget safety.

Live where you fear to live.

Destroy your reputation.

Be notorious.”    -Rumi

I heart Rumi!

For three years I fretted about starting this blog. I didn’t really know what I was doing technology wise. I didn’t want to sound like a narcissist.  And the biggie, I was afraid of putting the real me out there for others to criticize or ostracize.

Then on January 15^th without over thinking it, I just wrote a post and hit publish. I had the design ready for several weeks prior, but since I am living in the flow at this time, and have proclaimed this my Year of the Free Spirit, I didn’t plan it, I just did it. It felt like the right time. Same goes for the next post. And then I started thinking (dum dee dum dum) what if I sound stupid and no one can relate? What if they think I am self-centered and it is always all about me? What if they doubt my intention to help others through my journey? And on and on, you get the picture and I bet more than a few of you can relate to the “what if” syndrome.

So I froze and did not start posting consistently. And I have to laugh at myself! Not too many people even know I started the blog, so who is even reading it? I told one person who I know well and whose honest opinion I trust. I also told another woman who lives on the other side of the world and who I only know from being online. That is it. I had very nice feed-back from both of them. But I was still procrastinating. Then my wonderful chiropractor who has become a friend asked me for the address. Another friend from my garden group also asked. I talked about it at my birthday celebration and now 6 more women know. And then I really got scared.

This is my Year of the Free Spirit. My guiding words for 2013 are Yes and Embrace. I made a promise to myself to be open about who I really am from now on. I have only dipped my toes in showing my true self by liking certain things on Facebook and by posting quotes and pics I am drawn to. I only talk about my fascination with astrology and energy healing and intuition with people who I know are going to accept me anyway. I get a lot of, “I didn’t know you were like that!” I am not totally sure what “like that” means, but I have a pretty good idea! Ahh, labels and my aversion to them (a post for another time).

 I am going to continue to write from my heart and be seen anyway. Even though I am scared, I am no longer ashamed of who I am. Even though I may lose people in my life, or I may be criticized or ridiculed I can handle that, because I am at that age (woo hoo 51 tomorrow) where in spite of my fear I feel enough confidence to be seen. Even at this weight and even if my views are not popular. I’ve longed for half a century to let the real me out. Since I have been taking baby steps in this direction I feel more alive, more content and just happier. It takes so much energy to always be on your guard and wear masks.  The best part is none of my fears have even been realized. Being courageous is where it is at! 

I am saying YES to post this link on Facebook. It will be my first time doing that.

I invite you to acknowledge ways you have been courageous in the past, or better yet say Yes to something you are fearful of right now. Let me know in the comments how it goes. I am rooting for you!