Remembering My True Nature

Orchids at Phipps Conservatory

Yesterday I spent the day at Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh with my yoga/garden club gals. It was a cold, snowy winter's day and perfect for browsing through the beautiful orchids and the tropical forest of India (a special exhibit). Besides all the beauty, the best part of the day was the meaningful conversations I can have with these women. Seems so rare these days. No one spoke of the latest celebrity gossip or fad diet. No, we had deep, soul filled, interesting discussions. This is something I value very deeply in my life.

We touched on many subjects, but one that stood out for me was making conscious, awakened decisions regarding (at least in my case) new relationships and new job opportunities. I am doing a tremendous amount of inner work and changing spiritually and emotionally at such a rapid rate that I hardly recognize myself. Yet, I am deeply familiar with this Self, I am really just remembering my true nature.

During a guided visualization the other day I had a profound experience when I was choosing those Goddess sisters whom I felt drawn to. Initially, I sought out the women in pain, experiencing trauma, needing compassion and love which I am always willing to give. I have been accustomed to this experience enough in my life to relate. I always want to help, not necessarily fix or make all better, but to genuinely listen and offer a bit of comfort if it is to be had. I have found that this sets up a lot of dependency on both of our parts.

Abruptly, I found myself turning away from this experience and seeking out those women who were the leaders, the whole ones who were not seeking, but who were Living in the Knowing, just Being, and Standing in their Power.

Pretty cool experience. A conscious, aware choice that was vastly different from the way I have always behaved in the past. Holy Shift!

This experience lines up with what I have been discovering about myself in studying my astrological chart (a fun hobby of mine). I will probably get into this in more detail in a later post, but suffice it to say I have a really strong Aquarian influence. It is not only my sun sign, but I also have 5 planets in Aquarius, and they are all in the 11th and 12th houses. Now I know this may not mean a thing to some of you, but this explains a lot about me and how my life has gone so far.

I believe my true nature has been forgotten because of the many challenges I have faced. Among many other things Aquarians are often leaders. I have never thought of myself as a leader. I have always preferred to stay behind the scenes helping out where I could. In hindsight though in several group experiences I have had, people did seem to look to me for guidance, even when I wasn't the official leader.

So from flowers, to guided meditation, to astrology, my inner process always fascinates and enthralls me. I'm sure someone out there can relate to parts of this. If so please let me know with a comment. I'd love to get to know you.

A Gift and a Challenge

I’m in that in between place. I have spent the last several years preparing for…I’m not sure yet. I was dissatisfied in so many areas of my life, so I began to systematically change things for the better. My relationship was a main source of angst in my life and after many, many years of trying, decided it was time to let go. I got divorced. I also had to let go of a huge house and lots of stuff. Much physical clutter has left. My space as well as my overall life is a lot simpler now.

These events also coincided with an almost empty nest. I only have my youngest out of my three children home with me. He is 21, so not near as much Mommy responsibility as I had had for the last 26 years. Talk about simplifying life!

The next big thing was my job. The stress and how it was affecting me was simply not worth the pay check. I had searched for something different because after all I was the sole provider now, but after 2 years of looking I was still unable to change jobs. I asked the Universe/God/Spirit to please find a way to get me out of a situation that was really affecting me negatively. So quite suddenly one day I was told I was laid off. WOW. 

Back to the in between place. No relationship, no job, a stream lined, clutter free life and calendar. I had only dreamed of being in such a place before. And while mostly this is a good place to be, there is a bit of un-comfortableness (not sure if that is a word but I love making up new words), a bit of emptiness. The question is what now, what next? What an exciting and scary place to be!

I have the time to actually answer those questions in a thorough way. I can take my time, really dive deep. Revelations are happening left and right. It hasn’t been so easy to slow way down, to savor the empty places, to have time stretching out in front of me and not to feel stressed about, well anything. What a gift and a challenge! 

The gratitude mainly keeps me buoyed throughout the day. I cherish my morning meditation time without having to rush out the door. I practically cried with thankfulness the day we got a heavy snow and I did not have to go out at the crack of dawn and dig out my car and drive in nasty conditions.

But the place that I am having a bit of a challenge is in the tension of the space. Some days I struggle to not fill the empty space up with meaningless busyness. The un-comfortableness of just being can feel overwhelming. Usually the gratitude of having this gift of time softens the difficult feelings.

2013 is asking me to step up, to begin, to re-introduce myself to myself, and most of all to introduce myself to the world. I have held myself back from my life and from the world in so many ways and for such a long time. It is time to go deeper and let that go too. 

So here I am. Hi, my name is Andrea. Many people call me Andie. The name of the blog has the word salad in it because my last name is Saladino. I will be writing here, hopefully regularly, because one of my most sacred dreams is to be a writer. I will slowly and sometimes carefully be putting myself out there for you to get to know. The scary part is that I am going to be putting my real self forward. Not the persona I have presented to the world in the past. I will be as real as I know how to be and I promise to share from my heart.

Welcome to my blog home. I hope we will become friends. Thank you for reading.