Remembering My True Nature

Orchids at Phipps Conservatory

Yesterday I spent the day at Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh with my yoga/garden club gals. It was a cold, snowy winter's day and perfect for browsing through the beautiful orchids and the tropical forest of India (a special exhibit). Besides all the beauty, the best part of the day was the meaningful conversations I can have with these women. Seems so rare these days. No one spoke of the latest celebrity gossip or fad diet. No, we had deep, soul filled, interesting discussions. This is something I value very deeply in my life.

We touched on many subjects, but one that stood out for me was making conscious, awakened decisions regarding (at least in my case) new relationships and new job opportunities. I am doing a tremendous amount of inner work and changing spiritually and emotionally at such a rapid rate that I hardly recognize myself. Yet, I am deeply familiar with this Self, I am really just remembering my true nature.

During a guided visualization the other day I had a profound experience when I was choosing those Goddess sisters whom I felt drawn to. Initially, I sought out the women in pain, experiencing trauma, needing compassion and love which I am always willing to give. I have been accustomed to this experience enough in my life to relate. I always want to help, not necessarily fix or make all better, but to genuinely listen and offer a bit of comfort if it is to be had. I have found that this sets up a lot of dependency on both of our parts.

Abruptly, I found myself turning away from this experience and seeking out those women who were the leaders, the whole ones who were not seeking, but who were Living in the Knowing, just Being, and Standing in their Power.

Pretty cool experience. A conscious, aware choice that was vastly different from the way I have always behaved in the past. Holy Shift!

This experience lines up with what I have been discovering about myself in studying my astrological chart (a fun hobby of mine). I will probably get into this in more detail in a later post, but suffice it to say I have a really strong Aquarian influence. It is not only my sun sign, but I also have 5 planets in Aquarius, and they are all in the 11th and 12th houses. Now I know this may not mean a thing to some of you, but this explains a lot about me and how my life has gone so far.

I believe my true nature has been forgotten because of the many challenges I have faced. Among many other things Aquarians are often leaders. I have never thought of myself as a leader. I have always preferred to stay behind the scenes helping out where I could. In hindsight though in several group experiences I have had, people did seem to look to me for guidance, even when I wasn't the official leader.

So from flowers, to guided meditation, to astrology, my inner process always fascinates and enthralls me. I'm sure someone out there can relate to parts of this. If so please let me know with a comment. I'd love to get to know you.