A Gift and a Challenge

I’m in that in between place. I have spent the last several years preparing for…I’m not sure yet. I was dissatisfied in so many areas of my life, so I began to systematically change things for the better. My relationship was a main source of angst in my life and after many, many years of trying, decided it was time to let go. I got divorced. I also had to let go of a huge house and lots of stuff. Much physical clutter has left. My space as well as my overall life is a lot simpler now.

These events also coincided with an almost empty nest. I only have my youngest out of my three children home with me. He is 21, so not near as much Mommy responsibility as I had had for the last 26 years. Talk about simplifying life!

The next big thing was my job. The stress and how it was affecting me was simply not worth the pay check. I had searched for something different because after all I was the sole provider now, but after 2 years of looking I was still unable to change jobs. I asked the Universe/God/Spirit to please find a way to get me out of a situation that was really affecting me negatively. So quite suddenly one day I was told I was laid off. WOW. 

Back to the in between place. No relationship, no job, a stream lined, clutter free life and calendar. I had only dreamed of being in such a place before. And while mostly this is a good place to be, there is a bit of un-comfortableness (not sure if that is a word but I love making up new words), a bit of emptiness. The question is what now, what next? What an exciting and scary place to be!

I have the time to actually answer those questions in a thorough way. I can take my time, really dive deep. Revelations are happening left and right. It hasn’t been so easy to slow way down, to savor the empty places, to have time stretching out in front of me and not to feel stressed about, well anything. What a gift and a challenge! 

The gratitude mainly keeps me buoyed throughout the day. I cherish my morning meditation time without having to rush out the door. I practically cried with thankfulness the day we got a heavy snow and I did not have to go out at the crack of dawn and dig out my car and drive in nasty conditions.

But the place that I am having a bit of a challenge is in the tension of the space. Some days I struggle to not fill the empty space up with meaningless busyness. The un-comfortableness of just being can feel overwhelming. Usually the gratitude of having this gift of time softens the difficult feelings.

2013 is asking me to step up, to begin, to re-introduce myself to myself, and most of all to introduce myself to the world. I have held myself back from my life and from the world in so many ways and for such a long time. It is time to go deeper and let that go too. 

So here I am. Hi, my name is Andrea. Many people call me Andie. The name of the blog has the word salad in it because my last name is Saladino. I will be writing here, hopefully regularly, because one of my most sacred dreams is to be a writer. I will slowly and sometimes carefully be putting myself out there for you to get to know. The scary part is that I am going to be putting my real self forward. Not the persona I have presented to the world in the past. I will be as real as I know how to be and I promise to share from my heart.

Welcome to my blog home. I hope we will become friends. Thank you for reading.